Sunday, March 16, 2008
Have you seen Signs?
Has anyone seen the movie "Signs" with Mel Gobson and Joaquin Phoenix? I have been thinking about that movie a lot lately. Without givig too much away, I will say that the movie plot is about an alien invasion, but all the substance of the story and the relationships between the characters are really centered around the concept of faith; how it is lost, and ultimately how it is once again redeemed and restored. The climax of the movie is not triumph over the aliens, but the moment when our main character discovers that all these tiny events in his life which had he had dismissed as random or purposeless were actually "Signs". It's a great movie, but you wouldn't like, mom. You wouldn't last 10 minutes, you be running up to your room to pray your rosary.
The reason it has been on my mind is that, ever since this diagnosis, I feel like so many events in my life which didn't make sense before or seemed random are now illuminated. Lots of little details, from the near plane crash in January to my flat chest to the breakup of a relationship a few years back... in the light of this experience now I understand why things were better the way they worked out. A tumor the size of mine (1.3 cm), according to a chart in the doctors office would need to be 3 or 4 times that size to be discovered by accident, as I discovered that one. Had I had more breast tissue, I would easily have missed it until it was too late. Being single and not having children has given me a great freedom to entrust this experience into God's hands; had I had small children (or even harder, to be one of those women diagnosed during pregnancy) I would never be able to experience the peace of mind that I rest in now, instead I would be plagued by fears of my children growing up without a mother., having to watch me suffer... Sometimes I am so overwhelmed with gratitude at all that I have been spared that I start tearing up even in the most inappropriate times or odd moments. I know this gratitude itself is not something that originates with me; I can feel the power of the prayers being offered for me throughout 1/3 of the populated world right now. And I also know that, although it is easy now, there will most likely come a time when things are at their most bleak that I will have to make a conscious effort to trust God and his purpose. But for now I am just trying to accept the blessings showered upon me and not worry about tomorrow.
Here is a link to a Polish music video that a friend sent me, with English subtitles. It's pretty bizarre- kind of like a Polish Monty Python.