I told a priest in confession that I feel like a fraud sometimes because everyone assumes I suffered so horribly during chemotherapy. But the reality is I had very few side effects and did pretty well. So all these kind glances and deference from strangers feel sort of undeserved.
His response? He said to accept all their compassion because to feel true compassion for another person is good for their soul. And then he finished it off with "besides, you don't really know why they're feeling sorry for you... maybe they just feel bad for you because you have no eyelashes or eyebrows, did you ever think of that?"
Good point.
5 comments:
I've been feeling that exact same guilt lately. Like, chemo isn't NICE, but mostly things have been really good and I walk around feeling eternally grateful not miserable. It makes me feel like people should save their compassion for other things. But my missing eye brows and weak finger nails are something to pity as well... I guess! Besides if we can't gracefully accept others' compassion how can we offer it honestly ourselves?
What about kind glances and deference from friends?
I was trying to pray last night, but I found myself just thinking, "What must it be like to be Faith?" I have no idea what it actually felt like, and feels like, to go through all that you've gone through: the news, the surgery, the chemo ... and all that you will go through in the coming years. But as I try to imagine it, I seems like it would utterly paralyze me and send me into a depression so deep no medication or therapy could bring me out.
Yet you have constantly relied on God's grace, whether given you directly or given you through other people. So yes, I defer to you, because I see in you God building you up in sanctity. And I glance at you with as much kindness as I'm able, because I'm just plain grateful that you include me among your friends and companions on this journey.
God bless you!
What's the eyeball for sis? You don't have buggy eyes too, do you? Love ya
Leave it to a priest to bring you back to reality.
Yo, sista!
I know what you mean Faith. With my dx of MS I get a lot of sad looks and concern. One person who knows how well I'm doing even said I was her "hero." And I do feel like a fraud. Aside from the initial grueling tests and stress, I am healthy!
I like Br. Robert's thoughts. I am taking everyone's concern and "banking" it for when I really DO need it. In the event I do get ill.
And I guess it isn't until we are truly challenged in life that we know how strong we are and strong out faith is!
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