" I implore you, my child; observe heaven and earth, consider all that is in them, and acknowledge that God made them out of nothing (ex nihilo), and that mankind comes into being in the same way..." 2 Maccabees 7:28

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

That blasted pride again...

Someone once told me that some cancers are easy to remove- they come out cleanly like a hard- boiled egg out of a shell. THen there are others that are more like removing cooked egg from hair- these are very difficult and perhaps impossible to remove completely, apart from removing the whole organ.

I am so proud. Not the good kind of proud, the kind that recognizes dignity in myself and others and shrinks away from anything that is not consistent with that. Not that kind. I'm just your garden variety kind of pride. I don't like to be wrong. I'm argumentative and stubborn. I'm excessively concerned about others opinions of me. But I don't think I'm ever going to make much headway with these parts of myself- a priest told me not to expect much more than a 5% improvement over a 10 year period. So seeing as I can't remove this organ, I'm just going to have to accept that, if pride was a cancer, I'd be terminal (does that sound crass? It's not meant to).

It's so good to know that God is not discouraged by my mistakes and shortcomings; in fact he expects more failure from me than I expect of myself. It's nice to have someone like that in your life.

3 comments:

Trisha Q said...

I think a public confession should get some humility points.

Chairs said...

Hey big sis, I'll expect failure from you too- if that makes you feel better. just kiddin'--
How could you work with Autistic children if it werent for your stubborness? You hang in long after others have given up. --People who are good at self assesment are often very aware of others opinions- that is the way you guage yourself. People who are totally uninterested in others opinions are sociopaths.
Yes, I did just get home from Psych class.

Br. Robert, OP said...

We're all terminal sinners, Faify. "The wages of sin is death" after all. And you're not alone in struggling with pride; I have trouble trusting God exactly because I'm too proud to think I need him.

But you're right that God is not discouraged. He is powerful enough to bring good even out of our failures, even out of our deliberate rebellion -- and I seriously doubt you've done anything deliberately rebellious lately.

Maybe facing your pride is a part of your growth in humility?

Always praying for you.