Fear of Flying

I went out to visit friends in Seattle; this was the first flight I'd been on since last January when we almost crashed. I thought I'd be okay, but it was not my finest hour. From the minute the plane took off my heart rate accelerated and I couldn't really calm down, even when the flight was smooth. Every jiggle and bump made my palms break out in a sheen of sweat ( I could actually see it) and I was shaking slightly from take off to landing, but really shaking after landing. This is going to put a crimp on my love of travelling. There was a really nice lady sitting next to me; she said, "honey, you don't like flying, do you?" How could she tell? Was it my dialated pupils? The way I braced myself on the seat in front of me with every bump? Praying the Hail Mary out loud?
She said "I'm here for you, whenever you need me". What a nice person.

I'm thinking about trading in my frequent flier credit card for one that wins you points towards cruises instead.

By the way, Feb. 12th was the one year anniversary of my diagnosis.

Humility... (sigh)

BroRo and I were talking tonight; I was telling him how I was writing an email today and, in the reread, I realized how arrogant it sounded. So I edited it, to make it sound more humble. And as I was doing so I thought to myself that, in the end, humility is just a virtue that can't be faked. True humility, when we see it, is jarring in its simplicity.

The closest I can get to true humility is to admit that I ain't got it. Lord, don't let me blow these chances that you offer me, I don't want to spend my life admiring humility from afar, but never being intimately acquainted with it.

Good Things in Small Boxes...

I've been really struggling with a particular question which God chooses to remain silent on. Not knowing makes me feel insecure and unsure of myself in so many areas; I've prayed and prayed, but there is no clarity to be found. But even in the midst of this frustration, God still lets me know that he's with me every step.

For my birthday, Trisha gave me two beautiful ceramic angels. One says on the bottom of her dress "Lord, hear our prayer" and the other one just says "Courage". When she went to pick them up from the Hallmark store, she asked the saleslady for the boxes that they were shipped in. The lady went into the back room to search for them, and came out with one box. Then she unwittingly gave Trisha a message to me from God- she said "well, the prayer box is full, but the courage box is empty".

Cool, huh? As I said to some friends, it's nice to have a diagnosis, even if you don't yet have a cure.

Birthday

Saturday was my birthday. My mom rented a cabin in Santa Cruz and we all went out there to barbecue steaks and play Cranium in the moonlight. It was great fun.
My birthday present, you ask? Oh, yes. Certainly worth mentioning. I got pepper spray.

So here I am, the beginning of a new year in my life. Life Teen has started, and every time I'm put in a position to do something new and uncomfortable, I feel that familiar hesitation and certainty that I'm inadequate for the task. But if I take it to prayer, one thing comes back to me; a line I heard years a go from a book about temperaments. "Throw a melancholic in the water and he will swim". Perhaps the theme for this year will be learning to swim.

Please, More Prayer Requests

Please, to all you out there praying, add 2 more to your list:
Monica Rodrigues (whose website is linked at the right) has found out the tumors in her lungs have all grown by 2-3 mm, despite the fact that she's been on chemotherapy this whole time. Please pray for her emotional state and also that she makes the right decisions about what treatment comes next.

And a friend of a friend, Sharon Skinner, has been diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic cancer. It's in her brain, lungs, and spine. She goes in today for surgery to put a shunt into her brain which will remove fluids that are building up. She is 35 years old and has 5 kids.

Pray especially that they CLING to God n this most frightening time, throwing themselves on his mercy.

Another Celebrity Sighting

Well, we can't be sure, but I think we saw Bono and a girlfriend at In And Out burger the other day. They were wearing expensive looking ski clothes, and also dark glasses and scarves as if they wished to remain unrecognized. But my sister spotted them.
If it was him, he looks pretty different. We went and did a google image search to find some pictures to confirm the sighting, but all the pictures that came up were of him in his younger days. B. said we were going about it all wrong; that we had to do a google search for "Bono old fat". That didn't turn up any images either.
But in our search we did find mention of one of his favorite recipes (I think it was ribs or something) so we know he's not a vegetarian. So the sighting remains inconclusive.
I hope he doesn't google his name everyday and find this posting, because that would be hurtful.

Another Thing I Learned...

Masayo and Rico informed us that they have seen a disturbing trend; a tattoo in Japanese characters which they (the tattooed) claim mean "samurai". This is the ancient meaning of that word, however the current usage of that word is not so romantic. Apparently there are Americans proudly wearing body art that translates to "I can't pass the college entrance exam and so have to keep taking the test over and over again each year."

The ancient meaning of that word is not so great either, as it actually means a samurai without a master. To our American culture which above all prizes independence, this may sound positive; but that masterless samurais were in a state of disgrace, usually because they had broken the law and killed somebody.

So let this be a lesson to you- don't get any permanent body art in a language other than your own.
Masayo, Rico, is this the correct picture of the tattoo?