Hope

i spent this weekend with 100 high school students on a confirmation retreat. It was a great group of kids and very encouraging to see their positive responses to this experience of their faith. At the end of the retreat there was open mike time; the students were asked to share what was their favorite part of the experience, and about 1/3 said that the best part of the experience was going to confession. Can you believe it? Several students said their favorite part was Eucharistic adoration. Some shared tearful testimonies about feeling that after confession they had laid down burdens that they'd been carrying for years, or how for the first time they had really felt that God was there with them, that they were not alone in this world anymore.

It was an honor to be a part of it, even just as a spectator.

My apologies...

Oh, my friends, I have been such a faithless blogger these last few months. On again, aff again. Oh, for the constancy of WIndshield Rosary, who blogs so faithfully every day. BUt not me. Life is settling into it's new normalcy, and I am reminded of how fortunate I am to have a job that means so much to me. The kids are wonderful, and I feel like the adult aides I work with were picked by God, thy are such warm, loving people. The get paid so little, but do it because they love the kids.

I am still struggling with all my usual things; like frustration at not knowing where my life is going, fear that I'm not doing enough, doubt about my cloudy future. BUt you can all understand all those things, right? I'm certainly not alone in that. I read a book "Thy WIl Be Done" and one of the letters was written just for me..."eagerness then, is a fault in you. THere is something in you which is constantly not satisfied, this is your struggle with resignation. You resign yourself well, but it's with a "but", for you would very much like to have this or that, and you agitate yourself to get it". Yup, that's me.

I trust all of you are well.
Love, Faith

Advice

I went to confession this weekend while on retreat. I gave my usual order of the same old sins, fears and anxieties. And he gave me his usual advice- "Faith, keep it simple." And then he repeated it again- "Simple".
Simplicity does not come easy to a neurotic like me, I suspect.

Retreat

I just came back from a 3 day silent retreat. Well, not really 3 days, because it started Friday evening and ended Sunday at noon. And not really silent, because I was choking back the giggles the whole weekend, for no apparent reason; I didn't even have any friends with me; it's probably just as well as I would've dragged them down with me to the pit of levity I was wallowing in. Oh, what's to be done with me? And I LIKE silent retreats! Do you think it's all the medication? Is irrational laughter a side- effect of Tamoxifen?

Man's Best Friend...

A former client of my mom's (who was an in- home nurse for the elderly) died and left $200,000 to each of his four huge German Shepherd dogs.
"I wish I'd been nicer to those dogs..." sighed my mom.

Show Biz

The fashion show went well, which in my frame of reference means I didn't slip and fall on my arse from wearing high heels that were twice the height I'm accustomed to. My runway partner, who is still one spunky lady in my book, chickened out and had them alter her neckline from plunging to merely suggestive. There is something very bonding about working together with 30 other women who have all had breast cancer; we spent our free time trading plastic surgeons names and showing each other our surgical scars. It's fun to be a woman, only women can bond like this.

I'm not sure how many were in the audience, but I thought someone said 500. That doesn't seem possible from the size of the room and the number of tables, I would've guessed more around 250 or 300.

I currently don't have any pictures of the fashion show, so I will give you a picture of me bald with my good friend Br. Robert (of Ad Saeculum fame) who shaved his head when I shaved mine. The photo was taken by Harris at one of the last chemo sessions. What would I do without the friends and family who stood by me so faithfully?

Career Change...

For the last few weekends I have been driving down to Marin every Friday evening for rehearsals. I am taking part in a breast cancer fundraiser fashion show that uses as models women who are survivors of breast cancer; all ages, all body types, all stages of treatment. Some of us are bald, some are stubbly, some are years out of treatment and have a full growth of hair.

I am in 3 scenes, one of which is the leather scene. Now this is not as bad as it sounds, were just talking jackets, boots, skirts, etc. My runway partner is a very spunky lady in her 60's or so. She was musing to herself "I wonder if I'll be wearing a spiked collar..." I told her no, these were just conservative, contemporary leather clothes. I asked her would she really have signed up if she thought she's be modeling a spiked collar to which her answer was an emphatic "yes! When else am I gonna get the chance?"
We had our fittings this week and by the time I got there for my appointment, she was already gone so I didn't get to see the outfit that had put together for her. When I asked about it, they said she had helped compose her ensemble and was very happy with it, calling it "equestrian slut". So as it stands we will be walking down the runway together on Saturday, the slut and the vamp.

Pictures to come after performance.